May 16, 2007
Anger Management Class
Here I sit in anger management class for a
crime I did not commit, listening to the woes of the human race, led by
a "teacher" who is "just doing her job" as she puts words in the mouths
of all of us
trying to explain why we are in here. She is giving it all she
has.
I am trying my best to jump on the band wagon of this psychology shit
while at the same time holding my precious little teacher and anger
manager close to my heart. For woe unto anyone who dares mention
God, the very One who breathed life into us, or anything that smacked
of real help that may come from our Creator. Cain was so angry he slew
Abel and his blood is coursing through our veins even today. We
come into the world angry and leave the world angry. Ahhhh, but
there is a remedy.
One day a friend of mine
says, "I just saw an interesting bumper sticker that read, 'If you are
not angry, you are still asleep'," sleep being "living in
illusion". And I began to wonder. Is there a gradual
spiritual awakening going in
America and are we all being faced with looking at ourselves and living
in
reality???
Is the looking through a "glass darkly"
referred to in scripture giving way to seeing God face-to-face actually
taking place???
Personally, I find anger is like a fire
burning inside of me that motivates me to take brave stands against
wrong doing
- for bringing righteousness into our very asleep and deadly
society.
Anger the likes of Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, our forefathers and
many today angry because of oppressive government. With no anger
whatsoever on his part the dragon of illusion is devouring our life,
destroying our
homes, our freedoms, and the people find it much easier to remain
passive
and comfortable because to show anger just may destroy the religious
mask
we all are hiding behind looking all sweet and good.
Well, little by little that seed God has
planted in each of us which is held in a grave until this hour is
beginning to sprout and it is pissed off - I mean pissed off to the
point that without God Himself controlling this anger, we could all
blow each other off the globe and think we are indeed getting rid of
all our problems. Now for the dilemma.
The laws of God are like a womb holding an age until the fullness of
time.
The Ten Commandments kept the human race under some semblance of peace
until now when it is time to awaken and change and swim the river into
a new age.
In other words - don't take time to kill your neighbor, just swim the
fucking river into a new age. The river will take care of your
anger by taking your blood, the blood that has vengeful anger.
Anger is the motivating force behind the growth and breaking out of the
tomb in which we are all
held captive. So how will we channel it into that purpose???
More dangerous than anger is the sweet talk
predators that would woo one back into complacency, back into the
womb. It is called religion. And it will not only destroy
your life, but destroy your soul. Keep the peace at any price is
its motto. But God
says, "When they say peace and safety," sudden destruction will come
upon
them.
So, what is the answer to the use of such a
dangerous yet necessary weapon as anger? As I walked through the
land mines
of anger, revenge, and then the sweet, deadly mines of wooing voices
saying, "Be nice, don't disturb the status quo, look good and all will
be fine,"
I found a scripture that began me on a path of dying daily, humbling
myself under unfair circumstances, doing unto others what I would want
done unto me, preferring others more than self, and that scripture was
this, "We will not all sleep, but we will all change", and change
we must if we are to make it into the age that is already upon
us. As I changed, I found a secret to life - living the gospel,
patience became a virtue, a reward
that is the antidote to anger. We can try all the methods, all the
psychology, all the man made mind-benders, but only one path will lead
us to a life
of peace, and joy, and that is God Himself through our Savior, Jesus
Christ.
And so today my anger bubbles up like a
fountain warding off any contamination to my soul and standing with the
righteousness of God as a beacon lighting the way out of a society of
scapegoats to blame, self pity to the point of suicide, greed and
jealousy to the point of murder, suppressed anger remedied by pills,
alcohol and yes, anger that comes from our greedy little, self
righteous hearts instead of that righteous anger
that is the bubbling force of the Tree of Life.
This is a mandatory
Anger Management lesson.
Seven Days
Anger -
righteous anger provokes people out of passivity to bravery and
changing situations that are unfair and hurtful, and oppressive to
persons or societies.
Monday -
A hungry vagrant comes to the back door for food. My probation
officer threatens jail sentence if I feed said vagrant. I feel
our society has a deadly cancer that is eating away all of the
substance on which our nation was founded. I feel my rights are
violated.
Am I angry???? You damn right I am angry. Not at the
vagrant but at the hemorrhoid that is giving me a pain in the ass,
namely our police, our justice system. How do I
manage this abuse??? Well, mostly, I weep, not for myself, nor
for the vagrant but for the cruel, heartless people who will not let me
feed the hungry - and also for the sleeping American bobble
heads. Don’t cry for me U. S. A... weep for
yourselves. I share with the other Piecemakers. Sharing
with people who understand dispels anger.
Tuesday - Goals
in life are necessary. Because the goal for every Piecemaker is
to become humble like our example, Jesus Christ, (our core being
founded on God’s laws) we are being disciplined by the Holy Spirit and
we help one another to overcome not only angry but pride, arrogance,
vanity, in other words we give up our will to get God’s will for our
life. Forgiving one another daily is not necessary as we do not
condemn one another.
Now for the incident. Although we are all stubborn and willful,
some have a more difficult time conforming to our lowly savior.
One member in particular is hell bent on doing her will, independently
doing what she thinks is right. Her pride and arrogance are
stumbling blocks. Correcting her is difficult as she either plugs
her ears to correction or gets so angry we leave her alone.
My reaction - anger - then grief - then leave her alone although her
lack of willingness to change affects the entire body. Forbearing
with one another is part of our walk.
Forbearance is a fruit one gets by having to contend with the arrogant
and willful. Grudges are no option at Piecemakers. We
forbear with one another and cherish one another as we all are working
out our salvation together as one body.
Wednesday
- I have a dog named Alice. I did not want the dog. I did
not name the dog. I still do not really care if I have a
dog. But I have a dog. My granddaughter gets her
fulfillment in life by bringing home animals she feels for. So
Alice really is my granddaughter’s dog but grandma takes care of
her. As a matter of fact, granddaughter is in an apartment over
the garage and Alice is in the house with eight of us, five cats, and
Freckles a little cocker. Alice is a dingo. On her hind
legs she towers over me. I say this to tell you she can get
whatever is left on the counter or any other high place.
Well one day she ate the roasted chicken we had planned for
dinner, other days we see candy wrappers, what’s left of a box of
bars. Her nose leads her to unforeseen places. But today it
is a bunch of raw eggs. Some shells left.
Am I angry???? You bet I am. However Alice is much smarter
than I am. She was never trained, beaten, rewarded, nothing to
teach her what not to do and yet she shepherds me around as if I am a
sheep — she looks guilty before I find out what she has done wrong, she
has a please forgive me look that somehow melts away any anger and I
scold her, she runs and hides as if we are playing a game and all is
forgotten until the next time when her stomach rules her good sense.
And we play the anger game all over again. That is life and I am
looney enough to enjoy it just the way it is.
Thursday -
Well, the week is well on the way and the mail has come in with no
threats from the government thus far. It is Thursday and
wammo, the city sends us another bill for a vender fee of 5 dollars for
each vendor we had at the craft fair. We had already paid for our
license but they refuse to give it unless we pay more. Now I am
really pissed. Alice I can deal with but the God damn government
that is eating away at the substance of our country — predators jailing
the innocent... making their fear tactics legal, well, I take pen
in hand and write a long list of reasons they will get no more blood
money out of this turnip. $800 in permits, hiring peace
officers when we should be able to call our already paid police,
getting our food done at another restaurant because our clean kitchen
is not up to their insane codes, buying permits for our vendors from
the county, well, they can just go to hell. And I trashed the
threatening letter. My anger subsides until I get home and there
is a letter from another government agency.
Friday - This
letter is to Judy and it threatens her for not responding to the last
jury call. Well, Judy was in the most corrupt court system this
side of hell. She controlled herself from being in contempt
of court as she heard a judge get away with lying, jury tampering,
flirting, rolling her eyes and then convicting her of things not
done. Again, I was beside myself with rage. She had been on
a jury that convicted a young man because of theft. Sentence —
life imprisonment due to the fact that three strikes and you have the
ax lowered. With the sentence not fitting the crime,
corruption abounding — I with Judy’s permission just wrote the
truth and nothing but the truth. She was more angry than I as she
has to spend 240 hours picking up trash on the freeway as punishment
for working her ass off so she can pay her taxes and keep the dragon
system going. “To whom it may concern, I want nothing to do with
your corrupt system. Take me off your mailing list.” Judy
said, amen signed it and we both felt better writing for me is a
catharsis.
Saturday -
Some of the ways I have overcome anger, that is petty anger one has
for not getting my own way in things that really do not matter. I
stopped insisting I am right, even though I may be right.
Silence can be golden, so I strive to keep the peace letting whomever I
am striving with have his/her way, bow my stubborn neck and keeping my
mouth shut. And then asking God for help in helping me to
change. My core slowly changing into a new foundation, new
energy, new life.
Sunday - I am
thinking of next Monday and our store being invaded by the D.A., a new
OCHCA CEO — the one who put me in jail was released from his job, our
probation officer and whomever more it takes to do the job of one
person. I seethe over the waste of taxpayers’ money, of the fear
of our country being totally annihilated because of our foolishness,
and corruption or this foreign entity once more marching through as if
they owned my store, my life blood, my life. I pick up the Bible
and I read. “And in that day you will be protected as you see the
reward of the wicked.” And “I will sever the wicked from among
the just.” “Blessed are those who are persecuted for standing up
for what is right for theirs is the kingdom of
God”.
Marie Kolasinski